THE STOCK MARKET EXPLAINED
Now that I'm doing this full time, here's a brief intro for all beginners out there affected by the recent market correction.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex.
MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER: Poorer than you were last year.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
CALL OPTION: Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
DAY TRADER: Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you are the sucker who bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.
BILL GATES: Where God goes for a loan.
ALAN GREENSPAN: God.
Source: http//www.hehe.at/funworld
I live alone Dear Allah, stay by my side In all my daily needs, be thou my guide... Grant me good health, for that indeed I pray To carry on my work from day to day... Keep pure my mind, my thoughts, my every deed Let me be kind, unselfish in my neighbour's need... Spare me from fire, from flood, malicious tongues, From thieves, from fear and evil ones... If sickness or an accident befall, Then humbly Allah, I pray, hear thou my call... And when I am feeling low, Or in despair, Lift up my heart and help me in my prayer... I live alone, Dear Allah, yet have no fear, Because I feel your presence ever near...
Today's Quote
I've wed not whom I can live with. I did whom I can't live without.
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